I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize