Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
