Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Randomize
