someone get that fucking seahorse.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
