SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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