He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
