I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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