i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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