It's chlamydia! Thank God!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
