yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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