her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
