whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
