My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
