you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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