friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize