Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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