Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
