mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
