Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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