I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
