lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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