Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
