are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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