I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
