I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
