I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize