she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
