PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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