So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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