After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
