okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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