So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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