He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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