I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
