You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
