you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
