I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
