LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
