i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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