Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
