Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
