How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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