Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize