Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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