considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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