I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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