Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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