she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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