And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
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