I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Randomize
