just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
