i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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