no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
