This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
