where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
