a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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