DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
