TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I want her autograph on my taint
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
