He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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