sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
