I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Randomize
