I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
