I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
