He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
