My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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