I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
