I looked at my own cervix.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
